Never Let a Psycho Plan a Picnic
by Akela Victoire
Summary: He knew it was a mistake. From the time Izzy had suggested it, he should have said no. Because anything with Izzy planning it tended to go awry. He should have known better, but no… He just had to let Izzy plan their picnic...


_Please note that if this seems rushed, that's because it is. This story was written in one hour for a fanfiction group that I run on Facebook. The word for this week was "picnicking" so this is what I managed to come up within that hour for the challenge with barely a minute to spare. Let me know how I did!_

* * *

He knew it was a mistake.

From the time Izzy had suggested it, he should have said no.

Because anything with Izzy planning it tended to go awry.

He should have known better, but _no…_ He just _had_ to let Izzy plan their picnic.

This was totally going to end in disaster for him.

Even if was just in their own backyard…

* * *

"Aww… Come on, Noahkins!" A very pregnant Izzy pouted.

"No." Noah said dryly.

"Why not?"

"Things you plan normally end in disaster…" Noah replied in his usual monotone.

"But the Davidsons are having a great picnic in their backyard with a playing fountain and a roller coaster!" Izzy exclaimed.

"Roller coast- what?"

Noah looked over to their fence and saw a giant roller coaster in their neighbour's yard with black tracks and red cars with flame painted on the side.

"How is that? I don't even…" Noah's eyes widened in surprise.

"_Davidson…"_ Izzy muttered darkly under her breath.

"_Fine,_ dear. But you can't let this get out of hand…" Noah folded his arms and looked sternly at his redheaded wife.

"Relax, Noah-boa! Everything will be fine!" She kissed him and walked off waving- and cackling that laugh of hers that usually meant trouble…

* * *

"Well, this is nice and normal- for you at least…" Noah commented hesitantly.

Inexplicably, Izzy had acquired a large, yellow monster truck that was more of the size of a transformer and they were sitting at the very top, with their picnic basket.

"Close enough, I guess…" Noah shrugged.

"Isn't the view lovely up here?" Izzy snuggled into him, smiling.

"Well if you count suburbia as a lovely view, then yes…" Noah answered, helping himself to a handful of potato chips as he turned slightly to look over at the Davidsons' yard, the occupants of the house staring up at them in bewilderment.

"Okay, Noah. Open up wide!" Izzy held up an unidentifiable dish alongside a fork.

"What is that?" Noah wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Haggis- as a tribute to my Scottish ancestry! I've been craving it ever since I got pregnant and I FINALLY managed to make it!" Izzy exclaimed excitedly.

"The same dish that contains offal as some of the main ingredients? No thank you!" Noah shoved it away.

"Come on. _Please?_" Izzy used her puppy-dog look on him.

"_Damn those gorgeous green eyes…" _He thought as he took a bite.

And immediately regretted it, choking on it as he swallowed and quickly rummaging for water, juice, anything that would get rid of that awful taste.

"Did you like it?" Izzy asked softly.

Izzy's mood swings were something to be feared- even when she _wasn't_ pregnant so he decided it best to lie. It would probably save his life, seeing as they so far up in the air, he could barely see the roof of their own house…

"Yes, Izzy. I love it…" He replied.

"Good." She turned away from him, rummaging through the picnic basket for something else.

Then all hell decided to let loose, with Izzy at the forefront, leading the charge.

"Hon, I can't find those chocolate chip cookies in here and you know I need my chocolate chip cookies…" She narrowed her eyes as she turned to look at him.

"I don't have them!" His eyes widened in terror and he held up his hands in surrender.

"Silly-willy Noah-boa! Of course you don't have my cookies! I don't blame you…" She narrowed her eyes and looked over his shoulder.

"Then who..." he turned to follow her line of sight.

"_Davidson…" _He heard her mutter. "They've got my cookies!"

"No they don't!" Noah exclaimed.

"Oh yes they do!" Izzy said dangerously, pressing a button on a remote she held.

The truck actually did turn into a transformer at this.

"_What…"_ Noah didn't even ask. He should have known that the peace wasn't going to last…

"Fire in the hole!" Izzy cackled, aiming a gun at her neighbours who were at the moment blissfully unaware of the fact that their insane, pregnant, redheaded neighbour had a gun and was prepared to use it _on them_.

"Iz, calm down. They did not take your cookies…"

"Nobody messes with my cookies!" Izzy snarled.

_Some picnic this turned out to be…_

Izzy loaded up the gun.

"Come on, Iz. Don't you think you're taking this picnic thing too far? I mean, you got a transformer from God knows where and now because of a few missing cookies, you're going to snipe the neighbours!"

"Yes! Because _nobody_ messes with Izzy's chocolate chip cookies and gets away wi- _uh-oh…_" Izzy's eyes widened and she dropped the gun.

"What?" Noah asked.

"Except childbirth…" Izzy clutched her hands to her stomach as Noah's eyes widened.

* * *

"And that, Allegra dear, is how you were born…" Noah sat at the edge of his six year old daughter's bed, tucking her in.

"Mommy's crazy, isn't she?" Allegra whispered, brown eyes flickering between awake and asleep.

"It's also why she doesn't like you playing with their son Gregory…" Noah muttered under his breath.

Allegra giggled.

"Well good night, smart one." He pulled up the sheets.

"'Night daddy. Try not to let mommy get carried away by the RCMP while I'm asleep?" She yawned.

"I'll try, Legra, I'll try." He closed the door behind him and resumed his usual deadpan expression.

"_But it isn't gonna be easy…"_ He muttered to himself.


End file.
